What Growing Up as the Youngest of Seven Taught Me
Our families are our first experience within an organizational structure. Be it a start-up, a small partnership or in my case, the one pictured above - a highly structured hierarchical machine, this is where we first form the stories we tell ourselves. It is the place where we begin to develop a perspective on authority, leadership styles, communication patterns, conflict resolution and how you fit into something bigger than just yourself.
It is also the place you first start developing habits and thought patterns – many of which serve us well and others, we spend years following before realizing their impact. Take me for example. Every summer, my parents packed seven kids age four to 17 into that big blue “bus” you see pictured above and took us on vacation – camping! You can imagine packing for this adventure was no easy task. My father, an engineer and normally a loving and kind parent, would turn into a boot camp Sergeant any branch of the military would relish to call their own. He knew exactly what needed to be packed, how he wanted it packed and where it was to be placed in that big blue bus. There was no wiggle room. We needed to be organized, do what we were asked, when we were asked and not one thing more or less than his plan. It was terrifying. The fear around the tongue lashing for not following specific directions or forgetting to do something you were told, was paralyzing. By the time all nine of us piled into that bus to head out on our great adventure we were frazzled, emotionally exhausted and fighting with each other. The first hour of the drive was miserable.
As we grew and my older siblings went off on their own, vacations changed, and the packing process became much more civil. That is, until I had my own children. It took several years before I realized that packing myself, two kids, car seats and strollers for vacation turned me into an anxiety riddled, demanding mad woman. I had made a connection that packing for vacation means agitation, anxiety and yelling. This habit was not serving me. I was not being the person I wanted to be. Something had to change.
Once I could picture myself as a calm, rational and likable packer I was able to create new habits in approaching this task. As I connected the physical reactions “packing anxiety” produced, I was able stop, take a breath and reorient my thinking to create the behavior I had envisioned. This did not happen instantly. It took planning, practice, and the courage to recognize the impact of my behavior on my own well-being and that of the people I loved. It took being accountable for the change I wanted in myself.
Uncovering where habits or thought patterns stem from isn’t necessarily the work of coaching. The work is in recognizing these patterns and developing strategies to shift your responses to support the outcomes you truly desire. I share this story because it was my first experience in fully seeing how shifting my thinking offered clear, tangible results. I share the picture because I love it.
While packing for vacations was definitely not the highlight of my childhood, the memories of these shared adventures, the lessons, values and insights learned along the way still fill me with great joy. Taking seven kids camping was a clear example of my father stepping way out of his comfort zone to produce something special for his family. Although I never want to sleep in a nine-person tent again, ever in my life, I am grateful for his willingness to push through his anxieties to create memories and lessons that have lasted a lifetime.
I challenge you to consider how your thoughts and behaviors are impacting you and the people you work with, live with and lead. Are you being your very best self?
