The Benefit of Being Wrong
Recently, while driving with my son, I was stopped at a red light. As the light turned green and I started through the intersection, my son yelled “Do you see this car?” just as a car went whizzing past my right side, barely missing a collision. Flustered, I exclaimed, “Where did that car come from? They were going way too fast through this intersection.” Calmly, my son mentioned “well, you were veering into their lane.” My immediate response was to explain all the very logical reasons that could not have possibly been true. They were going too fast, the sun was in my eyes, the wind was blowing, it was a Monday, the sky was blue and on and on and on.
The Strength in Admitting You’re Wrong
Most people find it hard to admit when they are wrong. When we make a mistake, have the wrong information, or miss something we should have seen, our immediate reaction is to deflect it. For some, admitting a mistake evokes a physical reaction – a sinking, nervous feeling at the mere thought of having to own being something other than being correct. Overwhelmed by how our ego will suffer, we will do anything but take responsibility for simply making a mistake.
The unfortunate part of this response is that by protecting our, ego we miss an incredible opportunity to grow, learn and most of all, connect. We all like the idea of “learning from our mistakes” but openly taking responsibility for them – that’s another deal all together. Admitting you were wrong requires humility. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line humility became associated with weakness. Psychological research, however, suggests humility is most closely associated with a number of highly positive qualities such as sincerity, modesty, fairness, truthfulness and authenticity. None of these characteristics are incompatible with strength. Rather, these are many of the same attributes most closely associated with strong and effective leadership. They are also many of the qualities we appreciate in others.
Stepping Into Our Own Vulnerability
The challenge in being able to admit you are wrong is being uncomfortable with the vulnerability that admission stirs up. Vulnerability means acknowledging difficult emotions. While there are times when admitting you are sad, anxious, or overwhelmed may seem challenging, the biggest hurdle of vulnerability seems to be owning imperfection. Admitting you were not 100% correct about something, made a bad assumption, or completely misjudged someone’s intentions and reacted inappropriately seems really difficult. For many, this kind of admission feels like ascending a 4,000-foot peak with no water, on a cold windy day, barefoot.
There is compelling evidence that leaders who are willing to step into their own vulnerability more easily gain the trust of others. Further, the process of owning a mistake reduces the anxiety signals triggering in your brain enabling clearer thinking and a better learning opportunity. Honestly and authentically admitting and accepting your own imperfection can not only make you a more impactful leader but also a more connected partner, parent, coworker, and friend. Admitting you are wrong can be the very thing that makes you so much more right in the long run.
Consciously Admitting When You Are Wrong
I started working on the practice of consciously admitting I was wrong with my kids. It may sound like an unusual place to start as a parent, but my kids and I have been through a lot together and I wanted to demonstrate a willingness to accept my own imperfections and truly learn from the process. I quickly realized that doing so felt incredibly good. It was a relief. I did not turn into a pillar of salt or shrivel up and die. I was not suddenly weaker or less competent in their eyes. In fact, it was just the opposite. They appreciated my honesty and over time, I noticed an equal willingness to accept their own lack of perfection. Once I started practicing it with them, it became easier to do so with others. I have yet to have an experience where admitting I was wrong created any long-term credibility issues.
Being Imperfect Is Perfectly Right
The next time you realize you made a mistake – when that sinking feeling hits you – make a mental note of that feeling. Create a reminder of what that feeling is about (rubbing my fingers together helps me remember!) and mindfully choose a different path. It will take practice and may feel uncomfortable at first – all new behaviors are like that. Admit your mistake and see what happens. A simple, ‘I was wrong’ will do. If you need to say it to yourself a few times to get used to it, that’s ok too. Just say it and sit in the glory of your own imperfection. In the long run, I promise you will feel lighter, more empowered, and liberated. Being imperfect is perfectly right.
In case you are wondering, once I stopped my immediate reaction to deflect any responsibility for nearly hitting the car next to me, I took a deep breath and went for it. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t paying attention and drifted into their lane. Thanks for catching that. It could have been ugly.” No further words were necessary.
