The 3 Essential Steps to Receiving Feedback with Grace
In this episode, Paula embarks on a profound exploration of receiving feedback with intention and grace, highlighting three crucial steps:
✓ Practicing neutrality: By approaching feedback with a neutral energy, we sidestep defensiveness and internalization, paving the way for genuine understanding.
✓ Expressing gratitude: Acknowledging the feedback as a gift of insight is a powerful demonstration of vulnerability that enhances our connections.
✓ Engaging in reflection: Giving ourselves permission to deeply ponder the feedback, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion in our growth.
Paula illustrates that engaging with feedback is more than just listening; it's about truly hearing and evolving from the insights shared. This episode underscores the idea that our reaction to feedback offers opportunities for meaningful connections and personal development, urging us to embrace feedback with an open heart and mind as a pivotal step toward living authentically and wholeheartedly.
Listen Here
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube
Watch Here
More From Paula Reid:
Want to work directly with Paula? Discover Paula’s coaching services here
Liked the podcast? Find more here
Episode Transcript:
The 3 Essential Steps to receving Feedback with Grace
:: This transcript was generated automatically - please forgive typos. ::
[00:00:00] Paula: To today's episode of Beyond Neutral. So the topic of the day today is how we go about receiving data and input that enables us to learn and change and grow and enhance the relationships that we have with people...
[00:00:00] Paula: To today's episode of Beyond Neutral. So the topic of the day today is is how we go about receiving data and input that enables us to learn and change and grow and enhance the relationships that we have with people. And that may be in the workplace. It may be with our spouses or [00:01:00] partners or significant others. [00:01:02] It may be with our friends. It may be with our coworkers. Anywhere. Typically. What that is, data is thought of or how that is structured formally is called feedback. Okay. But often we think about feedback as this very formalized process. We think about it when we have a annual reviews or semi annual performance reviews, whatever they are. [00:01:29] We think about it when our boss calls us in and says, Hey, I just want to give you some feedback on X, Y, Z. We think about it in these very structured moments, right? But in reality, feedback is something that comes to us and can be presented to us on a very regular basis in every one of our relationships. [00:01:50] And what I want to talk about today is not about how you go about giving feedback and offering those nuggets of insight that you might be providing [00:02:00] to someone. What I want to talk about today is how we receive that, how we receive the information that others may be sharing with us in order to gain the best possible,impact [00:02:15] that information can provide to us. Okay. So we're talking about how we go about receiving feedback. Be that in the formal setting that I talked about earlier, or be that in informal ways. Okay, because we get it all the time. And frankly, there's been a ton of information and a ton of things written about how you go about giving feedback. [00:02:40] And yes, it's very important to know that and to know how to deliver that in an effective way. Not as much written about and not as much talked about about how we received it. But here's the bottom line. I believe that how you receive it matters more. And the reason it matters more is because that's [00:03:00] the thing you have control over. [00:03:01] What you have control over is what you do, how you receive information. You really can't control the way another person gives it to you. Your only control is how you receive it. So let's talk about that for a minute. So, Obviously, when you're going into a more formalized situation, like a feedback meeting or in a review, or, you know, you're going over somebody thing with a boss or you've set up a time to talk with somebody in a, any kind of relationship that you have when you're walking into that and you're prepared for it. [00:03:35] You do have an opportunity to kind of think about how you want to be in that. It's More difficult when that's an impromptu situation because often you can be caught off guard in either situation it's equally important how you manage yourself through that process . And what's most important in that is figuring [00:04:00] out what you need to do to have a neutral energy sense around that, a neutral position, both in your verbal responses as well as in your body language. [00:04:14] And in the way that, that information might be impacting you in the moment. And the reason that it matters to be neutral is because in being neutral, we're able to receive the information more wholly. And that's true in any situation. Okay. But it's especially true when we get into a stressful situation in a relationship with somebody or in a relationship, just being that there's another person there, right? [00:04:40] So what do I mean about neutral? Okay. What I mean about neutral is thinking about where your energy center is in that moment that you're receiving feedback and not having it be too much internal or too much external. In other words, if somebody's giving you [00:05:00] feedback, that data point we talk about, Is your energy going externally? [00:05:05] Like, why are you telling me that? Well, you're saying that because and this is the voice in your head, right? This is the internal dialogue you're having in your head. Where is your energy going? What is the internal dialogue that is happening in that moment? Are you Putting it on that other person, is your energy going to what they're doing or what they're saying or how they're saying it? [00:05:27] Or is your energy going so internal that you're thinking, I do that. You've got to be, I didn't say that. I don't remember saying that. Where is that energy? As opposed to wow. Okay. I'm hearing what you're saying. What more clarity do I need around this? What are some examples I need to understand this more? [00:05:49] All right. that's the neutral position. And why does that matter? It matters twofold. Matters number one, As I said earlier, because if we're not [00:06:00] neutral, our anxious brain is kicking on and our anxious brain is either kicking on and directing our energy externally, or it's our directing our energy internally. [00:06:12] And as soon as our anxious brain turns on our ability to process that our ability to respond to that is impacted. So the more neutral we can be in that feedback moment. The more apt we are to really hear the full extent of what of the message that's being delivered to us, the more likely we are to be able to ask for more information. [00:06:38] Ask clarifying questions. Now, it's hard. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do. Okay, it's easier if you have time to prepare for it. It's very difficult if it's impromptu, but our goal in those situations. should be to remain neutral. It should be to be able to gain [00:07:00] insight and understand what's happening there as much as possible. [00:07:05] Okay, that's number one. So how neutral are you? So if you have the opportunity to prepare for a feedback session, be that with your spouse or be that with your boss, prepare by trying to stay neutral. Prepare by thinking about keeping this access of energy kind of Slightly outside of you and slight like maybe right here, [00:07:32] So it's not all the way out there and it's not all the way in here, slightly outside of you. Okay. That's number one. Number two is to not be defensive or not feel like you need to respond in that moment or not feel like you have to give back something substantial in that moment, but rather feel like you [00:08:00] need to just simply acknowledge gratitude. [00:08:04] For that person having delivered that to you, having offered that insight to you. And the reason that that's really important is because there is a risk that anybody is taking and delivering feedback, even if that's just saying. Hey, I noticed that you, you know, left the kitchen a mess. [00:08:25] Could you please clean up the kitchen? I guarantee you if you do not have a relationship with that person where you've created this sense of trust that you can be neutral in receiving something that person delivering that request to you or delivering that feedback of you really don't clean the kitchen very well is taking a risk by telling you that. [00:08:47] And so the more that you can simply acknowledge an appreciation for them taking that risk, the better off your relationship is going to be. So in that moment of having received that and perhaps [00:09:00] asked for clarity around it in a neutral way, simply express gratitude as simple. for sharing that with me. [00:09:10] You know what? Let me think about that. Neutral, gratitude, appreciation. You might paraphrase what you're hearing as a way of acknowledging that you've heard that. It doesn't mean you're necessarily agreeing with it. It doesn't mean you're disagreeing with it. It means you're giving them an acknowledgement of what you've heard and creating an agreement that what you heard was the message they were trying to share. [00:09:36] That's a neutral acknowledgement. And appreciation for the fact that that information has been shared. The next important part in the feedback process of receiving that feedback in a way that's beneficial to you is to give yourself the grace of being able to process it a little bit, because the reality is [00:10:00] that the way that we think about a situation in the moment, [00:10:05] especially if it's a stressful moment, which it can be if a behavior is being called out or if you're being asked to move in a different direction or think in a different way, it can be stressful. And the way we respond in that stressful moment is not beneficial usually because our brain has turned off, right? [00:10:24] Our anxious brain has kicked in and stress by its nature creates an anxious brain. So give yourself the grace of. Time to be able to process that a little bit and in doing so really kind of think through, huh? What was my responsibility in that? Did I what of what they said resonated with me? [00:10:45] Why did that resonate with me? What was really happening there and within that? Consider the person giving you the information. What is their motivation? In telling you that, what is their motivation in [00:11:00] sharing that information with you? Is it to help you? Is it to benefit you? Is it something that they feel would be beneficial to your relationship? [00:11:10] What is it? It's possible that that person sharing it with you, maybe not for your benefit. They may be sharing it with you for a different motivation, but by taking the time. To kind of process that and look at it. it gives you the opportunity to understand how to weigh that information. And then based on that, what do you want to do with it? [00:11:34] What do you want to do with the information you're given? Do you want to think about a plan to change your behavior? Do you want to go back to that person and Ask for more information or ask for help in changing that behavior, or do you want to just throw it away because you've decided that the motivation from that person isn't really consistent with what you're looking for in your relationship, in your work, in your [00:12:00] outcome, whatever it is, but give yourself the opportunity to process that in such a way that you get the benefit of having had that, information. [00:12:11] That's it, right? Remain neutral. Be grateful for it. Think about the motivation and then process what you want to do with it and how you want to use that to impact your life. what I'm telling you is incredibly hard to do. There's no question about it. It takes energy. It takes commitment. [00:12:32] But what I can tell you is that being able to really, listen to feedback in any situation in such a way that the person giving it to you feels encouraged by the way that you, that by your responding to it in such a way that feels like you're open to hearing. Okay. And you're open to listening and you're open to considering, [00:12:59] [00:13:00] enhances relationships, enhances the kind of relationship that you have with anybody, whether that's work, whether that's your spouse, whether that's your partner, absolutely makes no difference. You know, it's funny, we think about feedback, as I said, always as kind of a formal work situation. But I remembered reading an article years ago that I thought was so interesting about [00:13:24] a couple that had an agreement that they would do annual reviews with each other around, the things that they feel like they're doing well, the things that they could improve on and that they literally scheduled an annual review session of their marriage to kind of think about the things that they needed to work on going forward in their relationship. [00:13:47] Not the worst idea. But anyway, feedback is something that's available to us. There, it's data points that's available to us every day in every relationship that we have. [00:14:00] Tune in your ear to be able to recognize when that's coming into you and own the responsibility of how you respond to that and how you receive that information. [00:14:13] Most of the time it's being given as a way to help us develop and learn and grow. And improve the kind of relationships that we have with each other. The only thing you can control is how you respond to something. So what do you need to do to be able to move into that neutral space of receiving feedback in such a way that you gain the greatest possible benefit from it? [00:14:37] That's my topic of the day. Thank you for listening. And I hope this is helpful to you. And like all the things I discuss here, I'm happy to talk further if that would be beneficial to you. They're offered as a way to move us forward on the road to get to where we want to be, whether that's in our work, whether that's in our, relationships, [00:15:00] whether that's in the life that we're living.
...I hope you're enjoying your day. Keep driving. Take care.
This podcast was produced by The Willoughby Co.